It's All Elementary
by tempermental artist
Summary: What happens when all the Naruto characters get a job after each other at the same preschool? Everyone is in here!
1. Sasuke

Sasuke:

Sasuke walked into the room full of shrieks and laughter and nearly cringed as the little volume knob in his head went from one to ten and then was broken off.

"Oh, good!" the teacher said and then clapped her hands, "Kids! KIDS!"

The room quieted down.

"Children, this is our new assistant, Sasuke Uchiha." She said and the children crowded around him.

"What do I do?" he muttered to the teacher.

"Well, I have to run to the store and grab some snacks for snack time, so you can handle them, right?"

"It's my first day." He said flatly.

"Good! You'll learn their names soon enough," she told him then whispered into his ear indicating a little boy, "just don't let Tomoyo eat the glue."

Sasuke paled as he looked at a child staring intently at him.

"Okay, _tootles_!" she said and left him stranded with a room filled of children between the ages of four and five.

"Wait!" he cried, but the door slammed in his face.

He turned to face a room where all eyes were trained on him, waiting to see what he would do.

"So…who wants to hear a story?" he asked.

They all smiled and sat in a circle around him.

"There once was a little girl, her name was… _Sakura_," he began, smiling to himself, "and Sakura loved to read and she would sit and read and read and sit. Then one day she looked at herself in the mirror and her head was as big as a dictionary. Then her head started throbbing and her head exploded! The end."

They all looked at him, and the little boy, Tomoyo, tugged on his pant leg.

"What?" Sasuke asked.

"Sasuke… you're scary." He said.

"Okay!" he said getting up ignoring the comment, "Who wants to go outside?"

"It's snowing." A girl said.

"So?" he said through a gritted smile, "We can still go outside."

"Really?"

"Of course, just come to me if your fingers or legs have been numb for more than five minutes." He said.

He guided them out the door after tying six shoelaces; zipping nine jackets and helping three get out of their snow pants to pee.

"Okay!" he said and opened the door, the children racing out to see who would get to the swings first.

Sasuke closed the door and watched from the inside of the building, chuckling as three boys ganged up on a girl and bombarded her with snowballs, only to be attacked by double their forces in girls.

"Sasuke," a voice called.

He looked out the window and saw a little kid with his head bleeding. Oh crap… what had they told him about cuts?

"Come in." he said, and opened the door.

"It hurts Sasuke." He said.

Sasuke plopped him in a chair and looked at him.

"Umm…" he said looking around the room, the blood was everywhere on this kid, "Do you know where the teacher keeps band-aids?"

"Oh, you mean boo-boo-make-betters?" he asked.

"Yeah, those." Sasuke replied, internally cringing at the name.

"They're in the box."

"Where's the box?"

"In the drawer."

"Which drawer?"

"In the teacher's desk."

"Left or right side?" he asked walking over.

"…Which one's left?"

Sasuke felt like he wanted to claw his eyes out, but instead he searched the desk for signs of a band-aid.

"Are you sure it's in here?" Sasuke asked.

"I think."

"You think?" he asked.

"Umm…."

"Aha!" he cried upon finding a box full of them. "Here," he said, took out one, and went to put it on his head.

"No!" the child protested.

"What now?"

"It's got a _unicorn_ on it." He said pouting.

"Which one would you like?"

"One with spiders."

"Okay," he sighed and took out one with squiggly lines on it.

"That's not a spider."

"Yeah it is," he lied, "See the lines? Those are legs."

"Are you sure?"

"Do I look like I would lie to you?"

"Yes."

"Thanks for the confidence booster." He muttered, and put the 'spider' band-aid on the kid's cut.

"You're the coolest! I wanna be just like you!" he exclaimed.

"Yeah, whatever kid."

By then there was a line of kids waiting to come into the building and Sasuke opened the door and let each one in until they were all inside.

"When's snack-time?" a little boy demanded, wiping his nose on his sleeve, then inspecting the boogers thoroughly.

"It's right about- AAAAHHHH!" the teacher screamed as she walked in the room to find the kids moping around the room, sneezing and coughing. Some had red noses and others had pink cheeks.

"What happened?"

"Sasuke took us outside!" a girl piped up.

"Is that right?" she asked, the children chorused agreement, and Sasuke received a death-glare with the ability to murder thousands.

"Umm…" he said, "I don't think I'm coming back, huh?"

"Most definitely not." She said and he was sent out into the blizzard, she took out a list and crossed off Sasuke's name, next up was Naruto.


	2. Naruto

Naruto:

Naruto walked into the classroom and saw the teacher sitting with all the kids in a circle.

"Hello…" he waved as the children all turned to stare at him.

"Class, this our new assistant: Naruto Uzumaki." She said standing up and walking over to him.

"Hey! Your hair's funny looking!" a little girl with purple hair exclaimed.

The teacher smiled, "They're harmless, don't worry."

"Umm…"

"I have to run to a meeting with the other teachers," she told him, "I'll be back in an hour. Make sure that Tomoyo doesn't eat the glue, and that they aren't let outside."

Naruto started to protest, but she quickly left the classroom, leaving him to fend for himself.

"Okay, who wants to hear a story?" he asked.

"We heard one yesterday." A boy with blue hair told him.

"Well, you're going to hear another one today," he answered, "Now everyone to the circle."

They did as he asked and sat around him.

"Okay, once upon a time there was this guy and his name was… Sasuke," he began, "Sasuke was a 'great ninja' and everyone loved him, but one day-"

"Hey! I like Sasuke!" a little boy with a band-aid on his head cried.

"I know he's so hot!" two girls giggled.

Naruto groaned, already the class shad been tainted by him!

"But one day as he was walking through the woods some Sound ninja attacked him, leaving him without a leg and an arm. Then-"

"EEEW! That's gross!" girls chorused.

"Whatever, on with the story," Naruto said, "Sasuke was able to get back to the village and-"

"Did he have to hop?" a boy piped up.

"No, he crawled."

"Oh…" he said.

"Okay, and when Sasuke returned-"

"Did he have to go through mud?" the boy asked again.

"Yes." Naruto said, stamping on a smile, "When he got back all the girls fled from him and wept at his sorry state-"

"Poor Sasuke." A girl commented.

"POOR SASUKE!" two others wailed in unison.

Naruto tried to control his temper, "But Sasuke was able to get a job and pay for medical treat-"

"What did he do?" the first boy asked.

"He was a… custodian."

"Where?"

"At the Hokage's estate."

"Oh."

"Any _more_ questions?"

"Nope."

"Good," Naruto commented, "So Sasuke worked there and suddenly he died of a heart attack. The end."

"… That's it?" the girl with purple hair asked.

"Yeah."

"Oh, umm… okay!" she said.

"Hey Naruto…" a little boy called from the back.

"Yes?"

"Miyuki just puked."

"_What_?" Naruto exclaimed and found a girl with throw-up dribbled down her jumper and onto the floor around her.

"Hey look!" a boy exclaimed, " I can see a carrot!"

"Where?" the other boys exclaimed, struggling to see.

Miyuki broke down into tears while the boys only inspected her bile further. Naruto picked her up and placed her onto the edge of the sink, a few of the boys followed them.

"Okay," Naruto said to himself, "what do I do? What do I do?"

His thoughts were shattered when he heard the distinct sound of something big breaking. He cringed as another thing was broken, then another, and another.

"Okay!" he cried going over to where three flower vases were shattered on the ground, "Who did it?"

"He did it."

"No! _He_ did it."

"I didn't do it! HE DID IT!"

Naruto sighed as the three boys startled fighting over who had done it. He took the boys and placed them in separate corners, going back to the sink only to hear the wails of "I'm hungry!" He took out a box of Cheerios and had the class line up.

"Alright, all of you get ready," he told them grabbing a handful, "I'm going to throw it in the air and you have to catch it with your mouth. NO hands."

"COOL!" some boys exclaimed.

Naruto threw some in the air and sighed when heads banged into each other trying to get a snack. He threw two handfuls at a time and watched as turmoil ensued. At that precise moment the teacher returned.


End file.
